so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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