Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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