So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The beer is more important than you right now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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