The maid of honor just puked.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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