omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize