Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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