I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
