His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
