I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
