he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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