allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
