I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize