Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
