There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
