what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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