i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
