Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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