I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
