ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
