Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
