I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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