walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
