The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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