That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
