he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
zippers are such a cool invention
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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