My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
