When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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