I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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