I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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