My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
