he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize