Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
