i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
