you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
