we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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