Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
