Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
