just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
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