i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
