I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
