I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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