My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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