My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
