you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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