i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
