While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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