How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
