My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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