i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
