I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
