If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
