don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
