Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
