It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need a beard to bite.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
