I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
