I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I want is dick and wine.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
