as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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