You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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