i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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