just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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