I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
