The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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