im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
