nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
