Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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