so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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