New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
