He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
