I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
