does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
