I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize