meet me or not, i'm out of control
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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