I hate all girls vehemently.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
