Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
