My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
