idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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