Cold hands, warm shart.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
