just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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