While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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