i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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