This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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