Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
