well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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