so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
