some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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