Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
