New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
