I'm passing your future prison.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
