Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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