I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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