No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
