they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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