I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
