I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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