Your dad touched me again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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