You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
