Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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