You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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