I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
