omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
