all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
