They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
