hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
