She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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