I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
