I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
