We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
