the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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