I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize