We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
