I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
