Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
