he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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