it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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