I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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